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National Office of Post-Abortion Reconciliation and Healing

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I Still Cry

Sometimes I look at my two children,
And I know there should be three.
I still cry.
Sometimes I see a family with two sons close in age with a daughter,
And then I look at mine.
I still cry.
I know, Father, you have forgiven me because I took my pain to Christ,
But how do I explain to him why I did this and why he had no life.
The ball games lost, hunting, camping and all the long talks,
Father -son times we never had.
I still cry. I try not to think about it,
I would give my life a hundred times over, to give him his.
Oh, God, how I wish I could have held you as a baby and in your teens.
I still cry. The pain I held so deep inside was way too much to bear,
Through Jesus Christ and Reconciliation, inner -peace was there.
I still cry. I know one day I'll hold you tight and look into your eyes,
‘Til then, my son, I love you.
I still cry.

To my son, Christian....love, dad

March 2000 - May 20th, 2000

I knew the rainy evening Jad was conceived we were going to have a baby.

I walked my fiancée to the door and kissed them both goodnight under a soft pale moon. There's no point here and now to reflect on those moments up until the abortion of our baby. Jad is not here, and that's all that matters. I will never hold him. I will never see what he looked like. I will never tickle his feet. I will never hear his laugh. I never be able to love him....Well, no that's not true. I do love him. I just will never be able to tell him and show him here on Earth...but someday, I still hope to find forgiveness for his Mother who did this without my knowledge. God knows how much I wanted Jad and how much I love him.... and that faith...will see me thru until the beautiful day I can tell Jad myself. .

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