Dedicated to Paul Matthew
Perhaps you are a woman who has had an abortion and is not hurting...then I appreciate your hearing me . I have been where you are too..That time in my life can best be explained by this analogy. In my heart there is a closet which for a really long time I didn't even realize I had. A part of me that I hid from my friends, and since I had hidden it from myself, I think that I even thought I'd hidden it from my God. I built it out of what I thought were indestructible materials called shame and guilt and self-condemnation. Into it I threw all my pain and grief for the loss of my son, and I put God's love in there too. (Because I didn't think myself worthy or deserving of His Love.) God gave me the gift of forgiveness in Confession. But I didn't open it... I tugged on the beautiful ribbons a little bit and threw it into my closet. But I didn't want to go into or even look at that closet who's walls were so ugly to get to His Love and Forgiveness which I felt I didn't deserve anyway. Our God is so good and patient with such a stubborn flo. Finally I looked at the walls of closet I had built. God knows how hard I worked. I tried to pound on the door of my shame. I tried to wrestle with the walls of my guilt. I did my best to trample the stones of my self-condemnation."How am I to get in there to You, God?" I asked. "Lay down your sin at the Foot of My Cross... I have paid this price for you already. You already have the gift" He replied. But the gift was in the closet and how was I to get through the walls without a key! For me the key to that closet was "Come to Me all you who are burdened and I will give you rest. I was this is one thing that I will do alone. I will do this on my own so that I don't' have to ask Him for even more. Finally....Finally...Finally! I went to Him and asked Him to heal me. The first time I asked for this, I couldn't even say the words. I typed them on my computer. Then one time later, I thought them. I asked again in a whisper. I was gifted the courage to say them out loud and to attend a Mass for the healing of myself and my family. Finally one night I prayed to Jesus to heal me. In Confession that night I place my past into Jesus' hands which He holds with my future. And the door swung open when He (through the priest) said,...May God grant you pardon and peace...
I have prayed for you too, that you be spared the great pain ad suffering that I have experienced and rest only in His peace. And should you ever need Him, unlike me, you don't drag your feet...but run with all your might into His loving arms.
In conclusion, I ask your forgiveness. For more than just taking so much of your time and requiring so much of your patience. Today I also ask that you forgive me for depriving you the opportunity of meeting my little gift from God. Baptized by blood, he is among the other martyrs, praising, thanking , adoring God so perfectly. There, he and I will never again be parted.
God Bless You
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