Butterfly Image
National Office of Post-Abortion Reconciliation and Healing

decorative upper bar

A Story of HOPE

I lost a child-my first-through the tragedy of abortion. I was finishing college and terribly afraid, just like I'm sure you were, too. I was too frightened to tell my parents, believing that they would quite literally die in front of me as a result of the shame I would bring upon the family. I was 21 weeks pregnant when I had the abortion and through the entire procedure, I heard this little voice crying out to me saying, "Please Mommy. No. Please. No." I believe with all my heart that that little voice belonged to a precious baby girl; one whom I have since lovingly named Aubrey Elizabeth.

My own post-abortion story includes many, many dark nights. Horrifying nightmares. Years of self- destructive behavior. A long string of broken and unhealthy relationships, especially with men. Suicide Attempts. Deep, dark, depression.

But, somewhere in that deep darkness that had become my life, a glimmer of light began to shine and that's the story I want to share with you now.

About two years after my abortion, I began to attend a support group for post-abortive women. It was there where I realized I was not alone in my grief, my shame and my sense of utter despair. It was there where I first heard the words, "God loves you..And he forgives you." It was there where I first began to really understand the meaning of the cross and why Jesus died for all of our sins. AND our pain, including my pain-and yours-of abortion. Like us, he, too , weeps for our babies and our broken hearts.

There is a song by Gloria Estefan entitles, "Coning Out of the Dark." It's a song that has meant so much to me as I've traveled the journey following my abortion. There is a line in the song that reads something like," In the dark, you'll make it into the light." Those words have meant so much to me, for I know that in my deep dark despair, God began to shine His Light. It seemed like such a small glimmer at first. The journey was to long and so painful..But, I kept going forward, following his light.

After the first support group, I attended a second one. Finally after years away from the Roman Catholic faith of my youth, I returned through the amazing gift known as the Sacrament of Confession and Reconciliation. I spent nearly an hour talking with a humble, empathetic and merciful priest, who guided me as I confessed my sin of abortion. And I cried..And cried..And cried. I wept an endless stream of tears what would eventually cleanse my heart and soul-finally bringing me home and into the light that can only come from God.

I continued my spiritual journey and also worked with a therapist for about three years. Finally, nearly six years after my own abortion, I felt strong enough and more importantly, so blessed by God's grace that I wanted to reach out to others hurting from the tragedy of abortion.

I've been a Project Rachel volunteer ever since. Each time I share my story, listen to other's stories, I am humbled by the power of His mercy. I am humbled by the blessings he has continued to shower upon me.

Ever since those dark years, I continue on my journey of Faith, growing stronger and closer to God with each passing day. I'm married to a man who is truly a gift from heaven..He was an atheist/agnostic when I first met him..However, after seeing how God was working in my life and hearing about my own journey since the abortion years earlier, he was so drawn to God's light that he eventually converted to Catholicism. We were married a year later. I believe to this day that God planned it all, giving me the great blessing of my marriage.

My husband and I were blessed again, beyond description, six months ago when our son was born. It was a very long, difficult delivery, finally ending in a C-section. At one point, when I was alone n the hospital room, feeling VERY tired, in pain and yes, a bit fearful, I had this peaceful dream of a young girl - my Aubrey - kissing a little baby and telling him that it was time to go..Time to meet his mommy and daddy..And lastly, I dreamed that my lovely Aubrey told her baby brother to ..."tell Mom (that's me!) that she was loved by her daughter, Aubrey, in heaven..."

My prayer for you is that you find the Peace that only God can give..Yes, it can be a long, difficult , often terrifying journey. When we clean a deep physical wound, it is often so painful that we don't think we can go on. But, if you pray for God's courage and His strength, he WILL be there to help you carry the cross. Your spiritual wound WILL be healed and you, too, will know the joy of returning home and laying your little one in God's loving embrace.

May God Bless You.

Anyone else wishing to share the good news of their hope and healing is invited to submit your experience to the editor at noparh@juno.com. Please indicate that this is possibly for the Hope and Healing section of the WEB page

Please remember that we are not here to judge you--we are here to help you. If you would like any more information, advice, or help, please e-mail us or call us at 1-800-5WE-CARE. We're ready to help you throughout your journey of healing!

decorative lower bar